March 2009 Archives

andre 3000

Rapper Andre 3000 was arrested in Atlanta over the weekend for speeding in his 2007 Porsche. An officer clocked the "Hey Ya" singer doing 109 mph on a Georgia intestate with a 65 mph speed limit.

All Hip Hop quotes Henry County Police Captain Jason Bolton as saying "Traveling that fast along 75, you’re passing people as if they’re standing still. It’s an accident waiting to happen." I-75 makes it way from just north of Miami to the Canadian border, passing through Atlanta.

Andre was released shortly after being arrested and is expected in court on April 29th. Which happens to be NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt's birthday, how about that!

hillary clinton

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was in Mexico last week. During her trip, she visited Mexico City and while on a tour of the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe, she got an up close view of the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was lowered to eye level just for her visit.

Repoerts are that while admiring the image, Hillary asked "Who painted it?"

History of the image is that it was created in 1531, and appeared on the apron of Juan Diego after he saw, and spoke to, an image of The Virgin. When Juan showed the image to peeps in town, a church was built in her honor.

So Hillary Clinton, apparently unfamiliar with this story, wanted to know who painted the image when she saw it in Mexico. After being told that God painted it, she pressed further asking "But who painted the painting, the roses?" And was again told that God painted it.

On her way out, Hillary told a group that had gathered outside of the church "You have a marvelous virgin." Man, if I had a nickel every time I heard that!

billycorganonstage.jpg

So The Smashing Pumpkins are back. Well kinda. I mean, it's pretty much Billy Corgan and some other people playing music people used to like. And now the Pumpkins are minus a drummer. Last week drummer Jimmy Chamberlin quit the band stating "I can no longer commit all of my energy into something that I don't fully possess." This is where you come in!

Email pumpkinsdrummer@gmail.com. No, seriously. According to a press release quoted on Pitchfork, Billy, or whoever is reading these emails, wants to know your background info, performance web links and see photos of you (Clothes optional? It doesn't say, but that might be a safe bet.) all before auditions in Los Angeles on April 10th.

If the guy that stuck with Billy through Zwan doesn't even want to be around him anymore, what hope do any potential drummers have? The guy must be unbearable at this point.

Monsters vs. Aliens

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paris hilton

Socialite Paris Hilton was in New York to launch her new line of sunglasses by Gripping Eyewear on Friday night. I wouldn't have thought it possible for Princess Vapid's beak to look any bigger, but there it is. The pic is of her arriving at the Javits Center for the Vision Expo East, or so I read on Socialite Life.

If those sunglasses can make her nose look that large and strange, what hope do the rest of us normal-nosed non claw-sniffer folk have? No thank you, I'll stick to my $24 Free People specials, thanks.

slap, chop!

Vince Offer, better known as the ShamWow Guy, but legally known as Vince Shlomi, was arrested for felony battery in Miami, Florida last month. Vince, who is the reason you don't even buy paper towels anymore, met a prostitute in a South Beach night club and according to The Smoking Gun, paid her $1000 for a little bit 'o sumtin sumtin.

So the trouble started when the prostitute, Sasha Harris, kissed Vince and bit his tongue. She wouln't lte go, so he let go on her face a few times. She received a few punches to the kisser from Vince, and then ran to the lobby and called the cops. When the cops showed up, there's the Slap Chop guy all covered in scratches around his nose and mouth.

I guess she didn't love his nuts?

As you can see in the mug shot above, the man has impeccable fashion sense and perhaps has run out of hair gel. Mr. Shlomi and his date both got off easy, as prosecutors have not to file formal charges against either of them. All I can say is Sham.... Wow!

Comedian and actress Margaret Cho had directed Jill Sobule in her lastest music video for "San Francisco". Jill Sobule was kissing girls way, way, way before Katy Perry, back in 1995 with her top 20 hit "I Kissed A Girl". Katy wasn't potty trained yet and probably still relied on her binky to sleep at night. Well, who's to say that isn't the case now? At any rate, Jill's video is cute and features lots of local San Francisco personalities, including Margaret herself.

Enjoy!

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46 years ago today in Knoxville, Tennessee little Quentin Tarantino was born. The Pulp Fiction director is now a household name, and credited with reviving John Travolta's career.

Quentin's got a new movie due out this summer, Inglourious Basterds starring who else but Samuel L. Jackson. I mean really, these two should just go get married already.

Happy 46th birthday Quentin!

As if there wasn't enough Ashton Kutcher famewhoreing in this world, the That 70's Show actor filmed himself getting a chest wax. You know when this was funnier? Four years ago when Steve Carell did it in The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Wow Demi Moore, really? This is who you married? He's the bratty neighbor kid who won't ever go home. Mothering complex much?

the manor

Do you have an extra $150 million laying around the house? If so, you're in luck! Candy Spelling, Tori Spelling mother and the widow of television producer Aaron Spelling just put "The Manor" on the market. The price makes it the most expensive home for sale in the country, says the SF Examiner.

All 56,500 square feet, 4.6 acres and the gift wrapping room can be yours if you've got the means, as Candy bought a condo in Los Angeles last year where she plans to live out her days.

The mansion has a barber shop in the attic, 16 car ports, and a humidity controlled silver storage room. Ya know, for all the spoons you've no doubt accumulated. Here we are, face to face, just a couple of silver spoons. Hoping to find we're two of a kind. Together, we’re going to find our way!

megan can't act

Who needs to act, when you have these.

i do not hook up

Kelly HQ has the cover for Kelly Clarkson new single "I Do Not Hook Up" and while we won't get into what a stupid name for a song that is, we will be getting into the fact that someone over at RCA Records needs a Photoshop intervention. There's a sparkle overload going on a poor Kelly is a helpless victim.

The evidence:

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On the lips guys, really? A little shine would have been sufficient.

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I refuse to believe that these hooks are sparkling. That brass, or whatever the hell it is, is way too dull. Next time all or nothing guys, preferably nothing.

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See, when it's that big it's just comical.

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And now the word sparkle? That's it. Done. Whoever this guy's boss is, fire his ass. This sparkle shit has gone on long enough. Her next single cover is going to just be rainbow glitter glue sticked to the CD. That's not a world any of us want to live in.

Bye-Bye Blender

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blender magazine

Blender Magazine called it quits this morning, reports Gawker, laying off 30 writers and editors and completely folding up the magazine.

The magazine was sold in 2007 for a quarter of a billion dollars, and it seems that was the perfect time to get out. Heavy debt and not enough income from paid subscriptions and ads art to blame for Blender's demise.

This leaves Rolling Stone and Spin as the only two really major music magazines out there. Happy reading!

Warner Bros. has released new posters for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Ron Weasly in his Quidditch gear, Snape ambiguous as ever and Hermione is an airbrushed masterpiece. Dare I say it, I'm even more excited now that I was at the last teaser stills.

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The Leaky Cauldron has a couple more. The movie is due out in July, which cannot come fast enough!

Rihanna's Got A Gun

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Rihanna has money to burn and wants you to know it. The "Umbrella" singer flew her tattoo artist from New York to Los Angeles for the tiniest little gun tattoo you've ever seen. Apparently the tat guy wanted to put two guns just above her armpits, but stated "cover girl wouldnt have liked it much... and they pay the bills!"

Way to lay low Rihanna. With so many people in California out of work, I have no idea why flying someone out from New York for 2 inches of ink is at all a reasonable thing to do.

jamie lynne and casey

All of you hoping to see Britney Spears attend the shotgun wedding of a lifetime will just have to wait a bit longer. Zoey 101 actress and famous little sister Jamie Lynne Spears, who announced that she was pregnant at 16, has called off her wedding to baby daddy Casey Aldridge.

A source told OK Magazine "They are still in love, living together and very happy, but they have no plans to get married. Jamie Lynn has everything she wants and feels no need for a ring and piece of paper," while another source said "She and Casey have weathered a lot in their young relationship already and don’t need the pressure of making wedding plans."

Seems no plans to return to Hollywood either? While Casey plays in the mud Jamie Lynne stays home and cares for their 9 month old daughter Maddie. To each their own, but it is nice to see famous parents who don't rely on nannies to do the child rearing for them. After watching Britney and K-Fed, who can blame these two for not wanting to tie the knot?

tyson beckford

Supermodel Tyson Beckford ain't trying to have a freckle-ridden hobag all up in his profession. Earlier this week Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan stated that she wants to be a model because that's not work, it's fun for her. At a Make Me A Supermodel party in New York yesterday, Tyson told Us Magazine "She has the partying part down right. But I don't think she’s got the focus. I mean, it requires a lot of focus and a lot of people think they can do it, but they really find that it's a lot harder."

Perhaps Tyson is unaware that he and the rest of us are the reason that Lindsay has it in her head to stoop to modeling in the first place. I mean, she did say "If people would just leave my personal life alone—because it's really not that interesting—then I could land a great role." However, when you put your personal life all over your myspace blog, it's kinda hard to leave it alone.

I guess it's safe to say the tanning and legging lines aren't working out?

where the wild things are

The trailer for Where The Wild Things Are has been released. Dammed amazing doesn't even begin to describe it. It could be a music video for Arcade Fire's "Wake Up" (the song used in the trailer) but instead it's a whole movie which is going to be awesome. At least it better be. It will!

Kim K Got Photoshopped

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Reality star Kim Kardashian is on the cover of Complex Magazine this month. On their site, they put up a pic of Kim which needed some touch-up work, because it was pulled down and replaced a little later with a much slimmer, less splotchy looking Kim.

Can you spot the 'shopping? Evened out skin tone on her legs, edges around her outfit a little less raggedy, rounded out the hair on top of her head, cut off about 10 pound from her midsection and I may be making this up but it looks like a teeny bit of nip slippage got covered up.

Honestly, I would have imagined that she'd need more work. And I'll eat my hat if her face wasn't 'shopped in the first place. Which would necessitate the going out and buying of a hat, so you know I'm serious. Pic via Gawker.

britney-platinum

Jive records presented Britney Spears with a plaque yesterday to celebrate her album "Circus" being certified Platinum by the RIAA. Brit wore her least obnoxious pink dotted hoodie for the event, and plastered on her trademark fake-ass smile.

Congratulations Britney! It's amazing what you can accomplish when you have absolutely no control over your own life. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to hate when "Circus" is such a catchy song, but still.

http://www.britneyspears.com/2009/03/exclusive-britney-presented-with-platinum-plaque.php

Colbert Space Module

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stephen colbert

So, NASA had an online contest to name their new Node 3 space-module, which is going to be a room on the space station. Comedy Central TV Personality Stephen Colbert won the naming, with the name Colbert coming out on top. So when aliens make their way to Earth to kill us Independence Day style, Colbert will be prominent on their minds. Good going.

The name Colbert beat out the NASA recommended Serenity by more than 40,000 votes. Never doubt this man's ability to get people to to stuff on the internet. Let's hope he never starts a religious cult in Utah.

bridget marquardt

Former Girl Next Door, Playmate and wrinkled peen lover Bridget Marquardt was seen kickin it by the pool while filming her new Travel Channel show Bridget's Sexiest Beaches. It's a very, uh, interesting choice of bathing suit but I guess if you are still trying to convince people that you are only 35, that's the suit you go with. I started to wonder what the slit above the belly button was for, but then I realized that I've seen this woman naked so it really doesn't matter.

Her next episode finds her in Jamaica. On her Travel Channel blog she wrote "My second trip to Jamaica was an incredible experience. Not only was it action- packed and adventurous, but I also felt like I really immersed myself in the culture, getting to know some of the local people and living the Jamaican lifestyle." You can catch Bridget Thursdays at 10PM on The Travel Channel.

Where The Wild Pics Are

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This Friday when Monsters Vs. Aliens comes out, audiences will be treated to the trailer for the Spike Jonze directed Where The Wild Things Are. It'll be in theaters on October 16th, but until then, we have this lovely batch of stills to keep us going.

Skeptics, put the hate on hold. From the looks of things they got the original Maurice Sendak illustrations down pat. Australia looks to make a nice backdrop as well.

where the wild things are

where the wild things are

where the wild things are

"And now," cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!" Film Drunk has a few more, bigger pics.

lauren conrad

Lauren Conrad. You know her as L.C., reality television whore. Seems her clothing line is in a bit of trouble. With her clothes not selling at Kitson and Bloomies, Lauren might have to either not design anymore, or *gasp* make shit people actually want to wear.

A source told Page Six "In light of the economic climate, Lauren has decided to completely rethink her line. Lauren is going to revamp her line and design with more high-end fabrics... things she couldn’t do the first time around." Hmm. Her rep said "With everything going on in the economy and in her life, she wants to rework her line and offerings. She will make announcements soon."

Wait wait wait, you mean that the Forever 21 knockoff slouchy pocket dress I just paid $225 for wasn't made of high end fabric? And my $150 L.C. tank top, she didn't get it right the first time? I kid, I kid, I don't buy Lauren Conrad clothing. What am I, re re?

I swear this girl is stealing her designs from ex-T.J. Maxx employees. I'm sure a reality show about her struggles in the world of K-Mart shoppers in already in the works.

Sorority Row Trailer

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The trailer is out for the remake of horror film The House on Sorority Row from 1983, the year that also brought us WarGames, Jaws 3-D and Psycho II. This year's Sorority Row stars Audrina Partridge of The Hills fame, Briana Evigan, Carrie Fisher and Rumer Willis. Yes, THAT Rumer Willis.

Sorority Row is about exactly what you think it's about - a bunch sorority sisters accidentally kill one of their friends during a prank, and then one by one the girls involved start to get picked off by a hooded mystery murderer. This masterpiece will be out in theaters on October 2nd, just in time for Halloween. Hope you can wait that long!


Sorority Row - Theatrical Trailer

The Truth about Woz

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bruce and emma

Action star and current baldy Bruce Willis tied the knot over the weekend. The Die Hard actor married his almost brand-new girlfriend, British model Emma Heming, in a small ceremony in Parrot Cay on Saturday. The couple have been dating for just over a year and no doubt had the most annoying ceremony in the history of ever with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore in attendance. Maybe they promised Ashton cookies in order to sit still and be quiet.

Not sure about the rules and legality and all of that, as The Associated Press is saying that the two are planning a civil ceremony upon their return to California.

The good news is that there is a 24 year age difference between the newlyweds. Which hopefully means no kids, ever, because really... those names? It's only a matter of time before Tallullah Belle hurts her dad in his sleep, while Scout and Rumer watch. In any case, congratulations to Bruce and Emma.

Lily Allen's new music video for her song "Not Fair". She's got the prettiest, shiniest, sparkle shoes on. Drool worthy!

If you haven't picked up the album yet, you really should. It's pretty damn fantastic.

Topless Thom

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thom yorke

The most talented man in the world according to me, Radiohead front man Thom Yorke, was seen kickin it on the beach in Rio de Janeiro yesterday.

Thom is probably taking a much needed break after getting both Miley Cyrus' and Kanye West's panties in a bunch earlier this year. You'll recall both stars got pretty pissy because Thom didn't drool over over them like they expected he would at the Grammys.

Last week Thom blogged "wish us all a safe journey if you still like us and you're not one of those people i have managed to offend by doing nothing xx"

Don't worry Thom, it's just Miley and Kanye. No one here really likes them, we all just pretend.

Stephen On Mars

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For Photoshop Friday... Stephen Colbert on Mars. Because he'd rule that place with an iron fist.

stephen on mars

Katy Perry's Piss Pal

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katy perry

"I Kissed A Girl" singer Katy perry recently had a photoshoot for Missbehave Magazine. Funny story, she got pissed on. Katy wrote on her blog "Jeremy Scott is one of my all time favorites and he shot the pictures while i got to prance around in his creations. I had a chimp on set with me that day… fun fact, she peed all over me, i had to take silkwood shower in the middle of shooting."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

This will never stop being funny.

New Flo Rida Single

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Have a soft spot for cheeseball 90's dance songs? Is Flo Rida your guilty pleasure? Then you'll probably love his new single "Sugar" featuring Wynter. Oh that's right with a y. It's a name, not a season y'all!

jessica alba

I' know we've all heard about Natasha Richardson,and it's depressing as hell and no way to wake up on a beautiful Thursday morning, so let's just make fun of Jessica Alba instead.

Her arms in one the shots from her Elle photoshoot are really freaking me out. They look backwards. Also, I'm not sure what kind of bedroom activity look they were going for here, but either mess up the hair AND the make-up, or brush your goddamn hair. You can't do both missy! It ain't right!

there, I think we all feel a little better.

kenley collins

The Project Runway finalist with the most annoying voice in the history of the show, Kenley Collins, was arrested last night after throwing a cat at her fiancé. Kenley spent the night in a Brooklyn jail after throwing not only her cat at Zachary Penley, but also a laptop, a bunch of apples and a glass of water. Only after she slammed the door on his head.

Daily News says that Kenley then shouted "You're lucky. It could have been worse!" before her now ex-fiancé dialed 911.

The annoying bitch's father came to her defense saying "It would be laughable, if she wasn't dragged through court. ...She has a personality and sometimes it gets a little rowdy - but it was still apples and water, and a cat."

She's been charged with two counts assault. No word on the poor cat. Let's hope it wasn't declawed so it can scratch her up good when she gets home.

Tyson Trailer

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Last spring peeps at the Cannes Film Festival got to experience what the rest of us peons had to wait until now to wrap our heads around. Indie director James Toback's documentary film about boxer Mike Tyson, aptly named Tyson. This'll be opening up in new York and Los Angeles on April 24th, and video rental stores not long after that. The film covers Tyson's childhood, tabloid marriage to actress Robin Givens, jail time and beyond. Who needs The Watchmen when you've got this?!

Mike told the New York Times "I look at it now, and I’m embarrassed I did it. There’s a lot of information people didn’t need to know."

Someone did tell him he has a giant tattoo on his face, right? Just checking.

Two clips from the movie after the jump.

leann rimes

You've heard by now that country singer LeAnn Rimes and actor Eddie Cibrian are having an affiar, right? Well! On her official website, LeAnn responded to the allegations that she was indeed having an affair. While not denying what's been said, it sounds like some juicy deets may be on the way.

"This is a difficult time for me and my loved ones, but I appreciate all your continued support. I would like to assure all of you that this is a place for you to hear things directly from me and as you all know, not everything in our lives is always black and white."

LeAnn has been married to dancer Dean Sherenett for about 7 years, and her booty call Eddie had been married to his wife for just about 8 years. Sounds like we're just about 6 months away from a couple of divorce parties!

Stacy Keach Hospitalized

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Actor Stacey Keach was hospitalized yesterday in Los Angeles, according to the LA Times. Stacey's spokesman Dick Guttman stated that the television and stage actor is in stable condition, but did not disclose what ailment put him in the hospital in the first place.

Stacey has been playing the part of Richard Nixon in the play Frost/Nixon at the Ahmanson Theatre in Los Angeles. You may have heard of it. His understudy is going to fill in until Stacey gets better, but ticket holders have the option of exchanging dates or a refund if they so desire.

Stacey has been in the business for over 50 years! Remember him in American History X? Man that was good stuff. The acting, not the subject matter. Geez people.

Get well soon Pops!

Work Out With Gwenyth

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gwen paltrow

Gwenyth Paltrow is opening up a gym And not just any gym, a super pricey one in New York's TriBeCa district. The Sydney Morning Herald quotes one chica not havin it as saying "It's ridiculous. Membership is like $4500 to join and then hundreds of dollars a month. Who can afford that right now?"

The out of touch actress is teaming up with Madonna's trainer Tracy Anderson for the fitness center, which is set to be the opening later this year. So, you have an extra $4500 laying around and want Madonna's scary man arms? Now you know where to go! Then again, you probably read Goop too, so more power to you.

christina ricci

29 year old super-duper short actress Christina Ricci and her jolly green giant of a boyfriend, Owen Benjamin, just got engaged says Us Magazine. The couple met on the set of the film All's Faire in Love and have been dating publicly since fall of last year.

Neither of the actor's rep have confirmed the engagement, but E! Online says they had a source at their engagement party last weekend, where Christina allegedly kept a party goers phone and then yelled at callers when they called him and got her instead. Weird.

Congrats to both Christina and Owen. Just don't try calling.

Pete Burns Hospitalized

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pete buns

Former Dead or Alive frontman and Pete Burns has been hospitalized in London after collapsing last Wednesday due to kidney failure. Pete wrote on his Dead Or Alive website "I'm in a very serious condition on 24 hours intravenous morphine for the pain. Intravenous fluid as I'm so dehydrated and the kidneys can't retain the liquid. I'm critically ill and under 24 hours observation and will be in hospital for quite a long time."

5 hours of emergency surgery later, doctors found 8 kidney stones which they were unable to remove due to complications. In that case, a morphine drip is probably the best thing for him. An address has been left on the website where fans can send flowers and cards.

Get well soon Pete! The world needs that face!!

amy winehouse

"Back To Black" singer Amy Winehouse pleaded not guilty to assault charges in London this morning. The 25 year old natural beauty wore her beehive and a mini dress to court to answer to charges of hitting (former) fan Sherene Flash last September at London's End of Summer Ball.

Amy gave her name to the court as Amy Jade Civil, and according to the AP, arrived late forcing her lawyer to apologize. Once inside, she reportedly had a constant fidget with either her hands, hair or clothing. I suppose when you are that wonderful , it's hard to keep your hands off yourself.

The trail date has been set for July 23. Or as we're calling it, Amy Justice Day. Freedom!

brook hogan

Laid off? Boyfriend just break up with you? Not losing any weight even though you do the Wii Fit ever single day? No matter how bad life gets, at this this wasn't you at performing at the Calle Ocho festival in Miami over the weekend. You are no Brook Hogan!

And if you are Brook Hogan, honey, don't do this ever again. You look ridic.

jenna jameson

This morning adult film star Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys in Newport Beach, CA, according to AVN. (link may not be safe for work) Former mixed martial arts fighter Tito Ortiz is the father, and reportedly the two couldn't be happier.

Back in September when word came back that she was having twins, Jenna wrote on her myspace blog, "It has been my dream to have children for an exremely [sic] long time, and I truly feel like finally... the time is right and god has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive."

No word yet on the names of the newborn boys, as the birth certificate probably hasn't even been filled out yet.

nelly furtado

Singer-songwriter Nelly Furtado is going indie. The "Promiscuous" singer has launched her own brad-new music label, Nelstar Music, in conjunction with a Canadian independent record company. She's even already signed her first act, dance band Fritz Helder & the Phantoms, whose debut album is expected in July.

Nelly told Billboard "I always secretly wanted to be an indie artist. When I was a teenager, I loved Ani DiFranco and hoped I could do something like that. A major turned out to be my destiny, but I'm enjoying reconnecting with the indie world."

Here's some Fritz Helder for you. If it's any indication of what Nelly's label is going to put out, it's pretty damn catchy.

A Growing Problem

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sting's wine

Former Police frontman Sting wants to get you drunk. He's been busily tending his grapes just south of Florence, Italy in order to bring you yummy glasses of red wine this fall. 30,000 bottles of a 2007 vintage are set to go on sale in September. The musician purchased the villa where he's growing Sangiovese grapes back in 1997, and says the farm also works as a garden.

"I also wanted to use agriculture with practices that would nourish the land and not deplete the land and so we went to traditional methods with farming, we got rid of pesticides, we shunned monoculture, and it works," Yahoo quotes Sting as saying.

The name of this red wine hasn't yet be revealed, but if you happen to be kickin it in Tuscany around June you can stop in the estate store and sample some for yourself.

Jackson's Thriller

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The most badass album you'll ever listen to.

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If you don't know Bat For Lashes, you should. Thom Yorke loves her, and you've probably seen her rising that bike in the "What's A Girl To Do" video. The latest music video from BFL, aka Natasha Khan, for the song "Daniel" is creepy, Karate Kid inspired, dreamy goodness. Enjoy.

Daniel - Bat For Lashes

if u seek amy
if u seek amy

So the official music video for Britney Spears' "If U Seek Amy" has been released on her website. Completely underwhelmed. There's definitely a bit of a "I'm a Slave 4 U" vibe going on, but really the smirk on her face the whole time makes you think there's an inside joke going on that only her and her crew get. And let's face it, there probably is.

The change from super slut into 50's housewife is strange and doesn't flow well, but Britney fans will be happy because Britney fans are happy when she does anything. Though no amount of editing is going to make me believe that Brit-Brit got it on with a room full of cheerleaders. Leave the fake bisexuality to Tila Tequila, please.

no embed, but you can see the video on her website here:
http://www.britneyspears.com/2009/03/official-if-u-seek-amy-music-video.php

ETA: blurry, but you get the idea

joaquin phoenix

Last night, former actor Gladiator actor and current insane man, Joaquin Phoenix jumped into the crowd at a hip hop show in Miami and attacked a fan. 34 year old Joaquin took the stage a little after 2AM at a night club inside the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami. According to a couple of sources a man in the audience started heckling and Joaquin said "We've got a bitch in the audience" before jumping down to confront the guy.

Bouncers broke up the fight and Joaquin's brother-in-law Casey Affleck caught the whole thing with his video camera. The fact that Casey is there filming Joaquin's every move has fueled rumors that this whole hip-hop performance thing is nothing but a huge joke being filmed for a documentary.

Her Morning Elegance

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Not sure how I have never seen this music video before. "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie, starring Israeli actress Shir Shomron and containing no actual video footage, rather 3225 still photos. You can check out a couple more tunes over at Oren's myspace, but really this video is where it's at. Enjoy.

Mandy Moore Got Married

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mandy moore and flat stanley

Looks like Mandy Moore and musician Ryan Adams ran off and got married. According to Us Magazine reps for both stars confirmed a ceremony yesterday in Savannah, Georgia. The Saved! actress had previously stated that she didn't want a huge wedding.

"I kind of feel like, because I've been able to get married in a few films, I kind of got the whole giant wedding fuss out of my system."

I can't think of any film where she got married, but eh, if she says so. Congratulations to both of them.

tomkat.jpg

This morning Pop Sugar informed me that Katie Holmes has a new hairstyle. Immediately I thought "What did the maroon do this time?" And as it turns out, she's unbe-weave-able!

The Thank You For Smoking actress showed off her fake locks yesterday at the Japanese premiere of Valkyrie. She arrived in Japan a few days ago with short hair, ala Suri Cruise, so we know she had it done there. Which begs the question... does Victoria Beckham know? If not, how long until she either has extensions put in herself or bitch slaps Katie into a bob again?

Put all the hair you want on it, it isn't covering up the robot smile.

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Paris Hilton showed up on the beach in Hawaii yesterday wearing a ridiculously huge turquoise necklace. I've said it once and I'll say it again, jewelry on the beach is just stupid. I know that on the inside her blood is that pukey green color of money and all, but on the outside her skin tans just the same as the rest of us.

Or... does it?!?

lindsay

Pale? Can't Spell? Try Sevin Nyne! I Know Who Killed Me actress Lindsay Lohan is launching a spray tan line called Sevin Nyne. This comes after her line of way overpriced leggings called 6126. Someone needs to clue the party girl in on the fact that you can name things, you know, names. I don't care how wrong you spell it, seven and nine are not appealing names for your tan. Unless you are going for the settings on a toaster, in which case carry on.

The selling point of the line is supposed to be that it has goji berry extract which is supposed to be a pretty kick-ass antioxidant and smell rather good. I don't know about that, but I do know that "Lindsay Lohan" and "smells good" are not two phrases that should appear in the same sentence, unless the word "doesn't" is between them.

The spray will be priced at $35 and available exclusively at Sephora stores starting May 1st.

chuck norris

Open our mouths and spread your legs! Walker, Texas Ranger himself, Chuck Norris, celebrates his 69th birthday today. Remember when Bruce Lee kicked his ass? Oh man, that was some awesome shit.

Here are some Chuck Norris facts I'm sure you've never heard before.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has dared call him on it. Ever.

Oh man, 2005 was a great year. Happy birthday Chuckie. Seriously, fighting Bruce Lee is the most awesome thing anyone could have ever done ever. Kudos.

Dancing With Gilles

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gilles and cheryl

Dancing With The Stars. It might as well be called Dancing With My Heart. Let's recap.

Lil Kim. The first time she ever watched Dancing With The Stars was in prison? Could not stop laughing at the quote, omg! Kept thinking she looked a little thick for the outfit they put her in but eh, it was OK. She danced well considering it was the first dance this season. I thought they scored her a little high.

Belinda Carlisle. What's wrong with her face? No really, what did she do? Is that Botox or some wired eye work she had done? Yikes, whatever it is it doesn't look good. During her dance she basically got dragged around the floor and let Maksim do all the work.

Lawrence Taylor. I thought overall her was kind of stiff but had good footwork. Really though, can we get a mob together and just take Edyta out of the picture? Her perfect body really makes me want to punch her. Get a pimple or a fat roll or something. Gosh!

Steve-O. Wow, was very impressed. He looked like he was taking it so seriously and honestly whatever criticism they gave him, I totally didn't see it. He should have scored higher, no one else got as big of a standing ovation out of the crowd as he did.

Gilles Marini. I don't know what Cheryl was talking about when she said he didn't have a fan base, because he can come kick it on my fan base any day of the week. Could this man have any nicer of an ass? No, he can't, that's as scrumptious as it gets. Also, his footwork was up there on a professional level.

Chuck Wicks. Hated, hated, hated the tails on his tux. So distracting. At one point he looked like he was trying to strangle Julianne. I felt bad for her, that's shit's gotta leave a bruise.

Hey look, Holly Madison replaced Jewel. Her timing was so bad. Beyond bad. She looked like she had no idea where she was, but anyone who ever watched The Girls Next Door knows that she always looks like that. She needs to come out of her shell or she's not going to last long.

Ty Murray. Jewel's husband. Looked really nervous, told the judges he got nervous, looked really awkward but in kind of an endearing way. Total stress basket! I'll be very surprised if he's not the first to go.

Shawn Johnson. Does this bitch have veneers? Her Hilary Duff teeth were like a lighthouse to my eyes. Almost made me miss that she danced really well. Not sure about Mark burying his face in her 17 year old chest bone at the end, but eh, no one else seemed to mind.

Steve Wozniak. Such nerdy awkwardness, and why was he so flamboyant on the floor? I'm glad he didn't get all sweaty like in the rehearsal footage, though the fact that they showed him on his Segway was beyond hilarious. He'll be the second to go after Ty I'm sure.

David Allen Grier. Totally forgot he was even on this show. Clunky footwork. He'll probably stick around while by default. His face bugs me.

Denise Richards. Crazy bitch! Whoever did her hair and makeup obviously hates her. Those were the grossest fake eyelashes I've ever seen. Was she chewing gum? I'm sure she wasn't but it really looked like she was chewing gum. The dirty look she gave Melissa backstage was priceless.

Melissa Rycroft. They really hyped the fact that she only had two days to rehearse, and wow she did great. I'm sure is helped that she is cute as a little baby button, but for her to score better than people who had several weeks to prepare is totes drama.



Actual scores after the jump.

Here's a little video of Britney Spears on her Circus tour in Tampa. Apparently there was some sort of wardrobe malfunction, because she announced to someone backstage, and inadvertently the entire audience, that her pussy was hanging out. Oh that's a direct quote. Check it out for yourself.

Skip ahead to 0:30, there's really nothing to see. Just listen.

Girl should calm down. It's nothing we haven't all seen before.

Below is the opening title sequence for The Watchmen. If you haven't seen the movie yet, this should convince you that you need to. All in all, I felt the soundtrack felt a little forced throughout, but opening with Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are a-Changin'" was a dead-on choice. Also, the cinematography was pretty. Yeah I'm a girl and I describe The Watchmen as pretty. Deal.

amy winehouse

Amy Winehouse's planned appearance at Coachella music festival in Southern California this April has been canceled. The "Back To Black" singer failed to secure a work visa and a statement from her spokesman to the Mirror confirmed that she's not coming to America next month. "She is not appearing at Coachella this year in the light of current legal issues."

Amy would have been the second billed headliner at Saturday's Coachella, on the main stage just before The Killers and melting my little black heart in the process. As of right now, Amy hasn't been taken off the lineup on Coachella's official website.

Sniff sniff, so sad. I love that little crack head. :(

Don't Drink and Draw

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OSR Presents... Don't Drink and Draw  These lines looked straight last night.  If you think they look straight now? You've had one too many.  Drinking and Drawing hurts Everyone. Especially the pixels.

zac and vanessa

Famed photographer Annie Leibovitz has created a pukerific photograph of Zac Efron and "girlfriend" Vanessa Hudgens as Disney's Prince Phillip and Princess Aurora. I hope the intent wasn't to give the impression that Zac'd be fluffin the muffin later because the only vibe coming from this picture is that someone spends way too much time at the MAC counter. And it ain't Baby V.

He's got way too much bronzer on and her vapid stare is really making me want to hit something. Have you actually seen the movie Sleeping Beauty? Aurora is in a coma, she's not actually dead, get it right Vanessa, omg. And she is totally a beard. Just sayin.

Pic via Stitch Kingdom.

pamela anderson

Pamela Anderson let her nipple loose at while rehearsing for Vivienne Westwood's Fall/Winter fashion show in Paris. Considering the massive amounts of plastic surgery she's had, it's one hundred percent reasonable to assume she has no feeling left in her chest at all, and therefore didn't know her nip was waving hello to the world, but this is Pam Anderson we're talking about. No one who didn't plan on flashing the camera would wear such a huge scarf and not put on a bra. Truefax.

The show Pam was rehearsing for took place today where Vivienne boasted "I still sell a lot of stuff, it doesn't seem to affect me," when asked about the economic downturn. Pamela's nipple was not available for comment.

The uncensored, NSFW and disgusting pic is after the jump.

Viva Fergie

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fergie

Via Make Her Up comes this pic of "Fergalicious" singer Fergie unveiling the new Viva Glam VI lipstick in Los Angeles yesterday. Could she look any less thrilled to be there, seriously? First of all, Viva Glam V is fantastic and if that's Viva Glam VI on Fergie, I'm sold. It might be advisable to stay away from the Lipglass she's holding if it turns you into a super bitch face like Stacy there, but the color of the lipstick looks fantastic.

There are worse places to shop than the MAC store on Robertson, amirite? Cheer the fuck up Fergie, geez.

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Star Trek Trailer

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The trailer we got to see at WonderCon is finally out for the rest of the world. The J.J. Abrams Star Trek trailer that will show before the Watchmen today has been released, and you can now see what I was talking about last weekend. And no, you aren't seeing things, that's John Cho as Sulu. This movie just got 110% sexier.

WatchGene

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WatchGene. Your solution to a supernatural problem.

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robin williams

Yesterday I wrote a post about Robin Williams postponing some Florida show dates while he rested up on doctor's orders. As it turns out, it was a little more serious than just shortness of breath.

Robin's offical website is now saying that the Mrs. Doubtfire actor will undergo surgery for an aortic valve replacement. Aortic valve replacement requires open heart surgery and usually a 4-10 day hospital stay with a couple of months of recovery time. His tour is said to resume in the fall when he's up and about again.

Robin has said “I’m so touched by everyone’s support and well wishes. This tour has been amazing fun and I can’t wait to get back out on the road after a little tune-up.”

Wishing him all the best and a speedy recovery. He really does put on a great show.

Two things that you should know not to do, ever, are assault and making criminal threats. Chris Brown, oblivious to this fact, has been charged with these two felonies in Los Angeles. Assault By Means Likely to Create Great Bodily Injury and Making Criminal Threats, to be specific, against "Disturbia" singer and girlfriend Rihanna.

Chris is currently free on $50,000 bail and is due to be arraigned this afternoon. Rumors are abound that Chris and Rihanna got married in Miami last week, but no confirmation on that has surfaced.

Chris also allegedly pulled a Mike Tyson by biting Rihanna on the ear during the assault on February 8th, says the LA Times.

Seriously, what an asshole.

I am excited! Harry Potter and the Half-Blood prince IMAX trailer. Rest assured I am dressed up in my Ravenclaw outfit right now casting Reducto on everything I see. Oh yeah, this fandom runs deep. July, hurry your ass up!


Wolverine Trailer

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Below is the trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Personally I think it looks super crappy, but then again I hated all the previous X-Men films and I really love watching Mommie Dearest on repeat, so maybe you shouldn't go by me. If you like Will.i.am, well there you go, he's in there. And So is Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, but in my head he and Dane Cook are the same person and that's just a nightmare that one cannot escape.

Anyhow, here's the trailer.

Dexter iPhone Game

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You all know Dexter. The blood spatter expert serial killer that you can't help rooting for. Well it turns out if you own a iPhone, this summer you'll be able to get an app that lets you play a Dexter game as a virtual Michael C. Hall. Neat-o!

By tilting the phone around or using a virtual joystick in the corner, you get to be Dexter Morgan and you have to keep your killing on the sly. According to IGN, at one point in the game your iPhone actually becomes a scalpel and you'll be able to hear every cut and tear of skin as you wave it around and cut up your victim.

Any points you may have gotten by being the cool kid with the iPhone are no doubt going to be waving bye-bye to you, but that's ok because you'll have a Dexter game and there's blood and stuff. Coming soon to you from Icarus Studios.

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Comedian Robin Williams has postponed four scheduled performances of his Weapons of Self Destruction show in Florida this week. According to an announcement on his official website Robin has been experiencing shortness of breath and doctors want him to take a little time off from performing.

Performances at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Florida on Wednesday, March 4th, and Thursday, March 5th, at the UCF Arena in Orlando, Florida on Friday, March 6th and at the Sundome in Tampa, Florida on Saturday, March 7th have all been postponed. The website says that the shows will be rescheduled and all tickets already purchased will be honored.

Robin will resume his tour on March 11th in Jacksonville, FL.

Britney Spears Nipple Tassels. Depending on the year you heard this sentence much, much different pictures probably pop into you head. Unattainable slutty virgin Britney in tassels? Yes. Kissing Madonna Britney in tassels? Yes, but only if Madonna is fully clothed. Shaved head Britney in tassels? Oh God no, please no! Circus Britney in tassels? Meh... maybe.

Britney's Circus Tour trailer has been released, and you guessed it, she got pasties on. Well, over a glitter bodysuit so it's not really like the real thing, but close.

Keeping in mind that she has two boys who will no doubt see this and be all "Ma, we were right backstage, geez!" a little later on in life, it's hard not to root for her. Plus the song is really, really catchy. Not saying I want to If You Seek Amy her or anything, and the circus master outfit she dons is pretty damn ugly, but eh, from the tassel preview it looks like the tour could actually be pretty good.

Check it out, see what you think.

riri and chris brown

Oh domestic abuse, you're so sadly predictable. Always making people fight and then getting them back together again because someone didn't mean it, or someone else is sorry and lonely and doesn't know any better.

OK Magazine reports that Chris Brown and his favorite stress ball Rihanna are shacking up together at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. They had been staying in Miami om Star Island courtesy of P. Diddy, and now have returned to Los Angeles via a private jet. If all goes according to schedule, Chris will appear in court next week for assaulting Rihanna. Something tells me that she won't be testifying against him.

jessica biel

Justin Timberlake's main squeeze, actress Jessica Biel celebrates her 27th birthday today. Let's hope that someone bought her a pretty dress as a birthday present. Something to make up for the weird white thing she wore at the Oscars.

You can watch her strip, and that means boobies, in the upcoming film Powder Blue, but it'll be hard to outdo the scene where she walks down the hall and gets banged by the football team in The Rules of Attraction.

Happy birthday Jessica!

CSI: WTF

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CSI: Miami. Unarguably the best show in the history of the universe. But last night... omg, wtf is going on?!? Even David "The Crimson Fog" Caruso couldn't distract from the fact that Eric and Calleigh totally hooked up. Double you tee eff? Is a kiss between these two even necessary, much less a whole relationship? I mean, it was bad enough when Eric and Natalia were an item, but no Eric and Calleigh. Their personalities don't even match.

Did I mention that P. Diddy was playing the best lawyer in Miami again? No? That's because I forgot. Something about a yacht a shooting and Eric is somehow Russian and Cuban but then he's American so it's ok. I don't know. They've screwed me all up inside.

The last line in the show was pretty awesome though, Calleigh telling Eric that her house is the safest house in Miami. "Do you know how many guns I have?"

CBS did this whole behind the scenes of the kiss video with Emily Procter and Adam Rodriguez. They should have called it "Shock and Awe".

If that wasn't enough for you, you can watch the full episode here.

katie holmes

Katie Holmes, who you may remember as the chick who turned down a role in The Dark Knight to take one in Mad Money instead, just did an interview with Glamour magazine. There's a lot of talking in there, words all over, saccharine coated tales of how her life is just soooooooo sweet. But then, out of nowhere, came this little tidbit.

My friend Jeanne Yang and I have been working together. She’s got twin girls about six years old, and we both grew up with mothers who sewed. We started about a year ago, sketching different things, trying to find comfortable clothing for our daughters that is also pretty and cute. We just started, and we’ve played around with doing things for women as well.

You've seen her walking around New York in her pegged jeans, right? All rolled up like puke. Then she did the whole stirrup tights with denim jeans and black pumps thing. And let's not forget that her hairstyle seems to be dictated by her pre-school aged daughter. Is this a woman who should be coming out with a clothing line?

The answer is no.

angie jolie

According to Female First, Girl, Interrupted actress Angelina Jolie is pretty depressed these days. The website quotes a source as saying "Angelina has told Brad she needs her space. She is a fiercely independent person and needs time alone to feel sane and happy."

The same source went on to say "Angelina is in a really low place at the moment and she seems really depressed. In the past few weeks she has had major bouts of moodiness coupled with temper tantrums." All because her actor almost-husband Brad Pitt is starting to act like a big boy. An "insider" claims he's starting to reassert himself.

This all comes about because Angie was spotted apartment hunting alone in New York. So let's go ahead and call bullshit right now. I mean, it isn't likely she's going to take her 27 kids on a walkthrough, is it? i think if she startes wearing that blood necklace again, that's when people should start to worry.

The Wii Fit Knows

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lc's la candy

MTV reality star Lauren Conrad has decided that she's an author now. She's written a riveting tale of two 19 year old friends who live in Los Angeles and are approached by a producer to star in a Sex in the City type reality show.

The official book synopsis says "Roberts can't wait to start living it up. She may be in L.A. for an internship, but Jane plans to play as hard as she works and has enlisted her BFF Scarlett to join in the fun."

I think it's only fair to assume Scarlett will get a lot of plastic surgery and fake-marry her douchey boyfriend while Jane says "like" every third word throughout the book. Fasten your seat belts, rumor has it this is the first in a three book series.

L.A. Candy hits shelves on June 16th.

WonderCon 2009

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elijah wood

Nerdy and in San Francisco, Rl337 and I had no choice but to attend WonderCon yesterday. (But Rosa Mimosa, you aren't nerdy! Thank you, thank you *air kisses* I love you all!) WonderCon is great if you love comics, movies, video games, costumes and spending money.

The new Star Trek trailer debuted yesterday. Director J.J. Abrams was the surprise guest on the panel, and he was a little ball of fired up energy, let me tell you. As not a Star Trek fan myself, the trailer actually looked pretty good. It'll make it's big debut this Friday before Watchmen, but in the meantime I can tell you there is a very cool shot of a planet imploding, and when Chris Pine as Kirk took the captain's chair everyone cheered.

Zoe Saldana, who plays Uhura in the film, stated "I'm a believer now" when asked about the fandom, and then someone in the audience shouted "Love you Zoe!" to which she shrugged and giggled. It was awfully cute. Her hair was a bit of a mess though.

A fan from the audience asked J.J. Abrams about his writing process, ending with "Are there drugs involved?" J.J. answered "Really, that's a question?" to lots of laughter, then "The answer, yes! Some Ambien on the plane." Again, lots of laughter.

Next panel was for the film 9, starring wee little ragdolls voiced by Elijah Wood, John. C. Riley, Jennifer Connelly, Cripsin Glover, Martin Landau and Christopher Plummer. Elijah and the animation director Joe Ksander made up the panel. One of the questions Elijah Wood got from the audience was if he was interested in directing rather than just acting, to which he answered "In a way I've been going to film school for 20 years. Yeah I'd love to direct eventually."

Before all this though, we sat in on the panel for Alien Trespass, which let me tell you, looks fucking hilarious. Eric McCormack, who you know from the television show Will & Grace, stars and was on the panel along with producer/director R.W. Goodwin. It's an alien movie set in the 50's, and with every clip they showed I could not stop laughing. Kevin Arnold's dad from The Wonder Years plays the town sheriff in this film, and it'll have a limited release on April 3, 2009.

I ain't going to WonderCon again today because it's raining out and I can't be bothered.

The Alien Trespass trailer is embedded after the jump, along with the trailer for 9.

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